Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's top entertainers spent the evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative that permits overseas citizens to buy U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for $5 million. An official website pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, involving significant costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers amid economic worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.