These Advice given by A Dad That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who still internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."